2019.

Coming on the heels of graduation, I find myself reflecting perhaps a bit more than usual this new year. I mean honestly I feel like all I’m doing is feeling things these days. Gross.

Tonight I finally scheduled time with myself to unpack some of that and I’ve realized just how much can happen in a year. I opened 2018 in a place of deep fear and it feels like I’m ending it in a place of deepest self-trust. I can’t even figure out how got here. But I’m obviously very okay with it and very grateful.

I’ve noticed that it feels like a million chapters are closing right now and ever impatient, I’m already itching to rip open the next. But the thing is, I’m also working on breathing through demands so I guess we’ll see which one wins. Let’s all just keep in mind how hard I find it to navigate any space between “chill” and 300 mph.

I found this book at work and have been thinking about this back cover for a bit. I don’t even remember what the book was about but regardless, I like to think of these birds as good goals for 2019–building beautiful things, recognizing our worth, and flying away from bullshit to find authenticity. That might be a lot to project onto three birds on the back of an old library book left in the office kitchen, but that’s the kind of 2019 I’m here for and those are the sentiments I find myself mulling over as a look at my belated Christmas lights and listen to a Rachel Yamagata album from a lifetime ago.